"And you, my father, there on the sad height,Curse, bless, me now with your
fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against
the dying of the light. " Dylan Thomas
This came to me tonight as I was sitting here wallowing in self-pity. I had something strange happen tonight when I got to work. I had had a bad day and my wife talked to me about the divorce tonight and I was feeling real down and beat up. Then the phone rang at work and it was an old driver that used to come in everyday. He and I would talk about what we were reading and if we had heard of anything good to read. He was a preacher and was taking classes to become a pastor. He called out of the blue (and late to boot since I work third shift) and told me he had been thinking about me and wanted to know how I was and how everything was going at work. He had a stroke recently and had started on disability. He said he was fine and that he was getting to read a lot. Then he told me that he loved me and that he would come up here and see all of us some time. The fact that an old friend had called me up and told me that they were thinking of me and that they loved me took me back some. The other day at the party all the parents came and gave me a hug and told me that they were glad to see me and that I had well behaved and good looking boys. My grandmother always told me that I had an old soul. She said I felt more deeply than anyone she knew. My oldest is the same way. What I don't understand is I am trying so hard to be a better man but I have this huge black hole sucking the life from me. I love my wife with all my heart and why she is hell bent on shredding my soul I have no clue. I don't know how someone could share their life with another person and then just walk away like nothing ever happened. I am a good man I know this. I try hard to help people and be good to other people, always have. I don't understand why I have to go through this. All I want to do is hold my wife again. Hold her in my arms and never let her go. I want to whisper in her ear that I love her as long as I have life. The pain of the emptiness is unrelenting and it echos through the chambers of my heart.