Monday, September 14, 2009

Separation: Day 83

You never know how what you do early in life will come back to haunt you in later years. My mother and father both smoked my entire childhood and only quit when it was obvious that they were having serious problems. Did smoking kill them? Yes. Did they do it to themselves? Yes. Did they mean to? No. They paid the ultimate price. Their children, spouse's (dad died first), mothers, father, and grandchildren paid the price too. Since living at my mom and dads place I remember a lot of things that I thought I had forgotten. I have lived there now for 83 days and I have yet to go beyond one bedroom, living room, kitchen, and the bathroom. I have yet to look into my parents room (the original one) and the bedroom that I shared with my brother. I stay in the same room that my mother passed away in. I am reminded everyday of when she died and what the room looked like and who was there. Now my lit'l brother has problems and they have told him that there is nothing else they can do for him. He too like my parents done things to himself that caused this. He has been in and out of the hospital over the last couple of months and the last time he was there they sent in a grief councilor. WTH!!! But it is like I said he knew that one day this time would come. My brother and I have not been close in years but we have always been able to depend on each other. All either one of us had to do was pick up the phone and the other would do whatever it took to help out. I have not talked to him yet but I plan on going to see him more often and taking my boys because they both like him a lot. My weekend went alright. My oldest won his football game. He played a lot and done real good. I had to sit alone for awhile but my sister finally showed up. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, my youngest and his lit'l buddy came and seen me when he wasn't playing mascot. I ended up having to work all weekend but I really wanted to. It helps to work a lot. I say it helps but most weekends I just end up crying in the truck while going and picking up samples. I have had some lonely times lately. My wife always has the boys and she has her mom, dad, and sister to fall back on and to go and visit. I do enjoy getting out and doing things with my friends though. That helps a lot and they care more for me than I ever imagined. I took my boy to a pic-nic Sunday that was thrown for the football team. I love my boy but damn. The food was good but the entertainment was karaoke. Redneck can't sing for shiznit hell!! Everybody around there felt obligated to take a turn whether they could sing or not, and believe me not was the majority. My boy done an impression of Simon Cowell while one was singing. I thought I was going to have to go under the table. I am just glad that I could take him somewhere to have a good time and to spend time with his friends. He thanked me a million times and told me he loved me about the same. All in all a pretty good weekend. Welp it looks like 12 hours shifts all this week so next week will be Money, Money, Money,Money!!! Money!! Oh, and saying that I already had the house payment was a jinx. My sister billed me for half the utilities!!! Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have said anything. Hope everyone has an awesome Monday!!!!!


  1. I'm sorry to hear about you having to live inside the home that still holds difficult memories & of your brother not doing well! Hang in's NOT forever. :)

    Also, it's OKAY that you cry a lot. It's natural & usually relieving. Keep up the hanging out with friends...that's something I'm bad at when depressed - I retreat into my own little bubble, avoiding people & doing things I normally enjoy - don't let that happen, they are a GREAT support system!

    Have a good week & keep your head UP... :)

  2. @stillarockstar Thanks!! I hope you have an amazing, fun filled week. Friends are a great support group. Thanks again for all your encouraging comments!

  3. You are really sounding so much stronger than what you did when i first started reading your blog.

    You should feel really proud that you are getting on with life and spending time with your kids in a positive way!!


  4. I sang Redneck Woman at some bar once... yes me. It was preeeeeeeetty funny.

    Good to know you have your friends to fall back on. It's easy to be friends when things are peachy, but the true test comes at times like this.

    I'm sorry for your brother. I know you're not close, but it's still quite hard:-/

  5. @Al Thanks!! I think I have gotten a little stronger than I was before. I think it was the mass blitzkrieg of emotions that knocked me off balance. Thanks for the cheering section!!!

    @Cindy I can't imagine in a million years you singing Redneck Woman. That had to be one of those penny beer nights!! ;)