Friday, September 18, 2009

Separation: Day 87

My name is Shane. People call me Shane, Shaner, Pendley, Papa, Tiny, and the list goes on. I travel the same stretch of road six or seven days a week. I am easy going and don't require much. For twelve years I was married to the most perfect woman in the world. I loved her with all my heart. We met at the Jasper Family Steakhouse where I was a cook and she was a waitress. We started out slow and soon our love grew to a smoldering heat. We couldn't get enough of each other. Our first kiss was in the dining room late one night while she was cleaning and I was cleaning the kitchen. After getting up the courage to finally kiss her I leaned in and score. It was not a very memorable kiss because although she didn't pull away she kept her mouth and teeth clenched. I walked away from that kiss thinking that I couldn't kiss or inspire her. The next night when I came in she pulled me into the sugar room (no pun intended) and laid a whooping kiss on me I still remember today. She told me I just wanted you to know that was not how I kiss and then laughed her beautiful laugh and ran off. I was just thinking about that tonight. The week has flew by and the weekend is fast upon us. I have to work Saturday so no after party. The good thing is next week will be a good paycheck and I get to see the boys more because my wife has court and I will keep them while she is in court. No therapy this week because of all the double shifts so I am in a funk right now. Not that therapy really helps but I don't talk to very many people about my situation. People at work are slowly hearing about it and I have already been asked about it twice this week. I feel like such a failure every time they bring it up. I always rated my marriage an A++. I didn't know that love had an expiration date. I forgot to check the marriage license to see if there was a "Best If Used By" date on it. I see her out of the corner of my eye and I want to grab her up and give her a "sugar room" kiss and have her swoon and say I have missed you. I want to send her flowers and silly lit'l text messages. I want to bring her breakfast and get that morning kiss. I want to see her fresh out of the bed with her hair all messed up and sleep in her eyes that is when she looked the best to me. On to my weekly thankful list:

1. I have gotten boo coo overtime this week.
2. My boys.
3. My son won his game last week.
4. My company stock is finally going up, and the euro is stronger.
5. Grill cheese sandwiches.
6. My ipod shuffle (even if it is playing "Grown Woman" and I'm crying like a hungry kitten).
7. My friend is going to go with me to the football game.
8. Sweet Pete (she brought me a biscuit yesterday).
9. Diet Mt. Dew in a bottle.
10. Memories of my wife when she was happy. (I was always happy)
Hope everyone has an awesome weekend.
P.S. Top is Ethan my youngest and bottom my oldest Nathaniel.


  1. YAY - I'm was excited to open this post & see those SWEEEET faces of the boys you talk so fondly of, thank! :) ...must have 2 very good-looking parents. ;P

    AMEN to your #5 grilled cheese sandwiches - LOVE 'em, too! Life would NOT be worth living without cheese.

    Ya know...your separation is quite different from the one I went through & it sounds like your marriage was, too [at least on YOUR end]. My now ex-husband was did have many faults [as do I] & we WEREN'T happy for half of the 6 years we were married. We were just friends. Sadly, neither of us took much initiative to HELP the relationship.

    It sounds like you have a LOT of unanswered questions, or questions you REALLY need to & have a right to ask your wife since you're had the assumption everything was great?!

    What was she unhappy with in the marriage, or with you? Is she willing to see a marriage counselor? Is she involved, or has she been involved with another man?

    It's not fair to you to have something end that you felt was working...

    Take care & keep those POSiTiVE THOUGHTS flowing! ;)

  2. Aaawww look at the mini-shane's:))) They're adorable!

    Hope you step out of the funk soon although I know you'll have great days and pretty horrible ones. It's not ideal that co-workers are starting to ask, but it was inevitable. It's a lot to handle and I hope us BBs help out a little and keep you company now and then. xoxox

  3. Love the pics of the kids! Hate the you have to work today... YUCK!! Hope the rest of your weekend is good!!

  4. @stillarockstar: I would love to sit down and have a question and answer session with her. Grilled cheese are a single mans blessing along with cheese eggs. Thanks they have a beautiful mother anyway! :)

    @Cindy: Oh they are mini-me's attitude and quick wit to boot! I am starting to shake off the blahs. My BBs are the best a man could ask for. Its like I have and endless supply of big/lit'l sisters. :)

    @Jules: I like to work, it makes the week go by so much faster. Thanks they have a pretty mother, thank GOD!! I had a great weekend thanks!!