Thursday, March 25, 2010

New Beginning: Day 71

Play Ball!!!!!!!!!! Baseball season has started and things have started popping around the house. I try and pick up my boys from school on the days they have practice and have them at the ball field with a snack and time to relax before starting. Since I have lost some weight I can get around ALOT better and I have even went with my youngest to the playground and pushed him on the swing for a while. Twice now!! Sad to say but a year ago that would have never happened. I was ashamed to go out in public. After practice the other day this one kid kept poking his dad and telling him look dad he is SOOOOOO FAT!! That's really no biggie you can't be as big as I am for as long as I have been without hearing everything under the sun. There is one kid at my son's school that comes and talks to me every time I come in. He is autistic and they say that I am the only parent that he ever talks to. He will stand beside me and talk to me and make funny faces. I think it is cute and I am flattered that he would show me so much attention. The other day when we left he was calling me GIANT!! Which he doesn't know any better and I like that name. My son said you don't get mad? I told him that at least he says it with a smile son, and he doesn't mean anything by it. A year ago things like that would paralyze me with fear and I wouldn't get out of the truck. In all honesty it wasn't to save me embarrassment but my wife and kids. But I found out that my boys could give to flips what dad looks like as long as he is around. As for my wife I will never know how what I'm doing now could have saved my marriage. I try no to focus on it much but I still go back to that day when the therapist asked my wife if she would give me six months to lose the weight and get to a better place and she it may take a year. My wife told her that, "I know I won't wait a year". Those words still replay in my head everyday. Every time I reach for something or start to stop for that biscuit it replays in my head. The boys and I got out in the yard last weekend and raked up a bunch of leaves to let the grass "breath" so it can grow along with the other plants and vines in the yard. Again that is something that would have never happened a year ago. So for now I am happy. Happy comes and goes but at least my good days out number my bad days now. Hope everyone is well!!!!

Friday, March 12, 2010

New Beginning: Day 58

I have started something on my fridge at home to keep me motivated at the urging of a friend. I have "Why I Do It" written with those old timey magnetic alphabet letters. Along with that I have pictures of the boys up, a phrase I use all the time, and poems that keep me inspired. When I get it done I will take a picture of it and post it. I weighed in Monday and I am glad to announce that I have lost 51 pounds from the last I weighed and 71 from my heaviest. Woo Hoo. I can't keep my joggers up now. Every time I get up to go some where I have to have one hand holding on to my pants so no one sees the moon in the daytime. I thought I would start my Thankful List again so here is my thankful list for this Friday:

 1. Pepto Bismol (eat one wrong thing and you need it)
 2. Buy one get one half off Oil of Olay bodywash.
 3. Huey Lewis and The News
 4. Hulu
 5. Losing weight and being more active.
 6. Taking the boys to Chuck E Cheese.
 7. Friends and Family
 8. OT
 9. My boys
10. Fintune

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!!!!!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

New Beginning: Day 49

There are several firsts after a divorce or separation. The first birthday, anniversary, holiday, and the first time you see your ex with someone else. I thought this day would be on further down the road but it happened and I didn't explode but it was a lot for me to process. To my ex's credit she did call and tell me that she was bringing someone to my son's practise so I wouldn't be shocked. After practise the guy came up to my truck and introduced himself and told me that he was her friend and that was it. Yeah well I've heard that before about the other feller. I told him that he didn't owe me any explanation and he said he didn't want there to be any animosity,  I'm sorry but that ship has already sailed along time ago. My ex told me they were going from the ball field to her mom's who had cooked for them. Funny she never cooked for me in the twelve years I was married to her daughter. I thought the last little bit was TMI but I think it is part of her shock and awe campaign. My oldest asked me the other day how come I wasn't dating and I told him it wouldn't be fair to the other person because I was still in love with his mom. Baseball season is upon us and Spring is near so I hope that I can keep my mind off things and not dwell on the negative. There is about a thousand things I want to do around the house and the yard needs attention bad. Plus I have yet to visit the building in the back yard so that will be an adventure unto itself. The diet is going good and I am waiting on warm weather to add walking to my daily routine. I am planning on walking in the morning with a co-worker and then in the evening with an old high school friend. I am hoping to get "high school skinny" by the end of summer. ☺ It is going to take a lot of will power and effort but I believe I can do it.