Separation: Day 106

I was doing ok. Really I was. I was going along and singing my happy song and bobbing my head back and forth. I took my oldest out to eat (my youngest went all mommas boy on me) and had a good meal with him. We talked a little about what was going on and how he was doing and about his schooling. Then when I got home to drop him off his mother waved me down and wanted to talk. :( I couldn't help it. She started in on me about why I haven't signed the papers. Always with a calm and cool demeanor completely devoid of any emotion. I told her that I couldn't afford to pay the child support she requested and I was about to lose everything that I had worked for because she wanted something/someone else. She said I didn't come out here to argue with you just wondering what the hold up was. Things digressed from there and I eventually had a bait of it and told her to "get her shit and get the fuck out". She went on to say that as long as her name was on the deed that she could stay in the house. I reminded her that I could move back in anytime I wanted to but I left for the boys. I told her she needed to start looking for a place to live and she said she had been. I told her I knew that there was no shortage of vacancies. It was not good. I ended crying in front of her, lip quivering, big tear drop crying, and I hate myself for it. Again I let her beat me up with I was an awful husband. I sent my friend a text and told her what happened and she told me to STOP!! Not to let her do that. She was real worried and I was just real aloof for a while. Later I sent my wife a text and told her that I didn't want to talk to her anymore and if it couldn't be said in a text then I didn't need to know it. That is hard to say and do but I do so much better without talking to her.