Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Separation: Day 106

I was doing ok. Really I was. I was going along and singing my happy song and bobbing my head back and forth. I took my oldest out to eat (my youngest went all mommas boy on me) and had a good meal with him. We talked a little about what was going on and how he was doing and about his schooling. Then when I got home to drop him off his mother waved me down and wanted to talk. :( I couldn't help it. She started in on me about why I haven't signed the papers. Always with a calm and cool demeanor completely devoid of any emotion. I told her that I couldn't afford to pay the child support she requested and I was about to lose everything that I had worked for because she wanted something/someone else. She said I didn't come out here to argue with you just wondering what the hold up was. Things digressed from there and I eventually had a bait of it and told her to "get her shit and get the fuck out". She went on to say that as long as her name was on the deed that she could stay in the house. I reminded her that I could move back in anytime I wanted to but I left for the boys. I told her she needed to start looking for a place to live and she said she had been. I told her I knew that there was no shortage of vacancies. It was not good. I ended crying in front of her, lip quivering, big tear drop crying, and I hate myself for it. Again I let her beat me up with I was an awful husband. I sent my friend a text and told her what happened and she told me to STOP!! Not to let her do that. She was real worried and I was just real aloof for a while. Later I sent my wife a text and told her that I didn't want to talk to her anymore and if it couldn't be said in a text then I didn't need to know it. That is hard to say and do but I do so much better without talking to her.


  1. Hi Shane, I have been trying to catch up on my reading on blogger - read your last few posts.. was shocked to read about the other man in your wife's life.. it must have been awful hard to find out about it. I don't know what a divorce feels like but I have had my share of heart aches and I realize it's pretty hard to go through with something like this.. this will sound cliche but it will get better with time.. you WILL look back one day and realize that you are not hurting anymore, all of this will be behind you one day - if anything you'll be a much stronger person for having faced all of it. Until then, just take it one day at a time and take the support and help of as many friends and family as you can get...

  2. Sometimes you have to freak out and cry and yell damn it! Oh well if she saw it. It was real! Those are your feelings and they are something that is incredibly difficult to hide.

    You're going to be alright my friend.

  3. Again, it's TOTALLY OKAY to cry! You would feel worse if you didn't...& she needs to see that. It's completely normal to have reacted the way both of you did considering the circumstances - you're both running high on emotional stress!

    I'm SO SORRY you had such a bad confrontation, especially after you said you were doing pretty well. I think the limited communication is a good idea until things are a little calmer...

    One recommendation is to do everything you can to keep your boys AWAY from these confrontations - that will only make the already difficult situation for them even worse. You two are the adults in this situation - they have little, innocent eyes & ears that don't understand everything. Keep an eye on them, too...if you see any crazy change of behavior later on, don't hesitate to consider a child counselor or the school counselor. Also make sure they know your divorce isn't THEIR fault...many kids think that. :(

    God bless, hang in there. You WiLL survive! :D

  4. P.S. You make me laugh! Thanks for all your comments... ;P