- I could move back home while she was gone to NY and when she came back we could make an honest effort to try and stay together. I promised that I had changed enough that I wouldn't smother her and we could work on our marriage together. AKA My option.
- Things remain the same except that I would only pay the house payment and give her money for the boys. Still would continue working on the marriage. AKA Not my favorite but better than three.
- She would have to do what her intentions where from day one. AKA Nuclear Option.
She picked......THREE! She started out by asking if I was happy when we were together those last few days and I told her I was happier then than I was now. At least then I was able to see her and the boys, not just part time. She said no, I can't, I don't want to live with you. She said that I had to see that she was doing better and that she wasn't sick all the time. She also asked if I thought that it was going to go any different than the way it was going now. Honestly and truly I knew she was going to ask me for a divorce I just prayed to GOD that it wouldn't happen. I looked at mom and dad's picture before I left and asked them that if they had any pull up in Heaven to put in a good word for me. Nothing worked. She had given me a heart key chain with her name engraved on it a long time ago after I had given her a wooden heart I had found. I told her that she would always have my heart. And she will. But while we were talking I slipped the heart off of my key chain and handed it back to her and told her that I no longer had her heart so it wasn't mine to keep. Honestly the pain hasn't gotten any worse. Right now I am still numb. Soon it will hit me a tidal wave of fear, regret, remorse, denial, and longing for her love. I have to remain strong for my boys but....I have to mourn the loss this time or it will consume me. The sunrise that I look forward to every morning outside my office window was is black and white this morning devoid of color. The dawning of a new day was special before now it just signifies another day in A Life Apart.