Monday, July 13, 2009

Seraration: Day 20

The weekend sucked. I had to work 12 hour shifts all weekend so the only good thing about that is there will be a good paycheck come Thursday. Don't get me wrong I needed the time and the money but that took my time away from the boys. My oldest along with my sister went to see my brother. They are afraid that he will be deployed again soon and they want to see him all they can. I didn't get to see my oldest but about 30 minutes all weekend, and I got to see my other boy for a little bit today when I went to the house to take a shower. I watched him while my wife took a nap after a long day of swimming. I folded what must have been two loads of clothes and took a seat in the big blue chair and watched cartoons with my youngest while she slept. She hollered and told me to wake her before I left but she ended up getting up before I was ready to leave. I tried to confront her about our situation and she said she didn't want to talk about it. She also said she still didn't care and that she would tell the therapist the same thing that she has been telling her since week one. Which is basically that she thinks she is done and that there is no point in talking because she thinks she is done. So needless to say I ended up crying like a little girl and she looked at me like I was stupid. I started rattling off about cards she had given me that said she loved me and cared for me and told me how much I listened and made her laugh. She interrupted me and said that was before I didn't care. All I know is she must have stopped caring over night. She has said that is was like someone flipped a switch. All I know is I have been walking around in the dark looking for that same switch slapping at everything hoping to find it and haven't found it yet. I hope I find it soon.

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