Thursday, July 16, 2009
Separation: Day 23
There comes a point to where you have to ask yourself if you are just making an ass of yourself for staying and trying. Last night I got caught at the house when I meant to be gone when my wife got home. Those damn video games distracted me and my wife showed up before I got gone. She was visibly upset and when we were alone you could tell she was horrified that I was there for the third day in a row. So as I was walking out to the truck after getting a half-hug half shove I was wondering when do I turn from trying husband to a chump? I mean it was just a few days ago that she told me that nothing had changed and I knew that I would let a little witty banter between us go to my heart/head. There is a lot that is not being said by her and I can tell she is just busting at the seems to say something but she won't and I can't force her. As I was on my way to return some videos I was thinking that I had turned into the ass who could not take a hint. We have another therapy session Friday and I am pretty sure I am going to cancel it because there is no use letting that one session ruin my weekend. It will give her an hour to beat me up emotionally and I will feel drained from there on out. She on the other hand probably has some great plans and the results of Fridays bashing will not put a damper on her weekend. I still feel like I am in an episode of the Twilight Zone. All this came out of no where for me and I am having to play catch up. I always thought that if something happened in my marriage that I would see it from a mile away. This has snuck up from behind me and bit me on the arse. All I know is that I am at a loss of what to do next. I don't want the "D" word but I am pretty sure she is ready for it. Makes me wonder how much I did miss when I wasn't looking. I put a quote on quote daddy today that said, "The greatest pain is the pain you didn't know you had". All this time I had this pain coming and I didn't know it. I wish I had left that Pandora's box closed.