Monday, July 6, 2009

Separation: Day 15

If you would have told me six months ago that I would be writing a blog about my marriage being in trouble I would have horse laughed you out the door. Well to my surprise you would have been right on the money. Everyday is an adventure. Everyday is pure hell and agony. I can't think about the future. I don't want to think about a future without my wife in it. I love my wife so much and how and why she would hurt me this much I'll never know. I have never felt hurt and emptiness like this before. Not to this degree. In just two months twelve years have come unraveled. How? We never argued, we never hurt each other physically. But some how something went wrong. I know for years I worked a lot of hours to provide for my family and I wasn't there but she always gave me cards thanking me for working so hard and being a good provider. She said that I wasn't always there for her emotionally but she gave me cards thanking me for always being there for her, listening to her, making her laugh. But now she says that she couldn't tell me the truth that she felt abandoned. If she felt abandoned then she should have told me and I would have worked on that. Priority one!! My weight was another issue. I am a big man and have been all my life. I am finally working on that and plan on losing the weight I need to have a life again. All this time I could not find the motivation to lose weight and now I have the motivation and she is leaving. Everyone keeps telling me I have to do it for myself. But if I do it to keep her am I not doing it for myself. Since she is my world. Besides I would be doing it for us, and by us I mean her and the boys. The boys would have a dad they have never seen before. It is like I said everyday is a journey and a new day. I just hope that I journey into familiar territory with my wife so I can feel her love once again.

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