Separaion: Day 21

Today was a pretty good day. It was the first day of football camp for my oldest and I took him early while my wife and youngest ate supper. He had a pretty good practise. He ran hard, played hard, and threw the ball real good. My youngest ran out on the field to give him his camp t-shirt and got walloped on the head by a ball! He cried and only the soothing sight of "Brookie Cookie" could make him feel better. My youngest has a girlfriend for every sport. He didn't get that after his dad. I went to the house late to take a shower and my sister-in-law wanted to leave since I was there so I told her she could go and I'd watch the boys until my wife got home. When she got home we actually talked like a married couple. We didn't sling any mud (not that we ever did). I guess what I am saying is that I was able to keep my emotions in check and not go all cry baby on her. She looked real good today too. She has been in the sun a lot and the sun does her good. Anyway all went well tonight. I know better than to get my hopes up but it went well. My oldest is a lot more frank with me than he is with his mother. I don't think he talks about our situation with her but he does with me. He doesn't like it and it makes him sad. He asks me how come I just don't stay anyway against my wife's wishes. I told him that I am doing whats best for all of them. I also make sure to tell him that I love him and I can't return home until his mom says I can, and I make sure to tell him that might not happen. Even though at this point I can't believe I'm even thinking that. But I have to prepare myself for the worse case scenario. I believe my biggest problem is that I am still in shock. I didn't see this coming. I really and truly never seen it coming. I would have never thought that my wife would tell me that she didn't care about me anymore. I didn't think she would ever say those words about me. It makes me sad to think that she feels that way now. I could never not care about her. I have been able to cut some people off but never has it crossed my mind to feel that way about my wife. On the plus sided my sister has told me that several of my friends have told her to tell me that they love me and that it will "get easier", and to "hang in there". So that warms my heart some. All I know is pray that once again my wife will care for me.