Monday, December 14, 2009

Separation: Day 174

Last weekend I went to church. For most of you this is an every weekend deal. It used to be for me. My dad was a deacon of the church. My mom and dad didn't believe in divorce. I don't either but it only takes one for a divorce. I always prided myself for being a good man. A good man in the sense that I was a good provider, never cheated on my wife, never lost my temper, never berated or cussed my wife, good father to my boys. I always thought in that way I was a lot like my father. It wasn't till after church last weekend after all the church ladies came and gave me hugs and told me that they loved me and appreciated me coming that one lady stood out. She gave me a hug and said you remind me of your daddy. I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say. Later when I went to see my grandmother in the nursing home and told her what the lady said she told me you remind me a lot of your daddy. So all this time I was hoping I wasn't letting the memory of my father down that I was doing a pretty good job of maintaining it. "A Life Apart" is not only about divorce it's also about being a young man without both parents to lean on and plunder their knowledge of life lessons. There is no doubt in my mind that had both my parents been living that I wouldn't be going through a divorce. I loved and miss my parents and hope that someday I can feel like I have done them proud.


  1. The biggest hurdle for me when I got divorced was not the actual leaving, although that was tough, but how disappointed my parents would be in me.

    When I actually told them, they said, I can't believe you staid this long. Sometimes what we think our parents think and what they actually do are two totally different things. I was so worried about their disappointment that I forgot to ask for their help.

    This will not be the end of the world for you. Head up, eyes in front, because that's the way you're going to move from now on.


  2. @Frannie: thanks! Your words mean a lot. Forward is the direction I hope to move.

  3. I'm sorry you are going through something so emotionally stressful/draining and don't have your parents there to lean on. That made me feel sad for you when I read that. It's obvious how much you love and respect them. Thinking of you pal.

  4. I have NO DOUBT you have done them PROUD. sounds like a FANTASTiC father & that is your MOST IMPORTANT job! :)

    You are also staying very OPTiMiSTiC for someone who is not only going through divorce, but has lost both of his parents...I cannot imagine. YOU are VERY SPECIAL!!!

    Keep up the church-going, it is a Savior in more ways than one. :)

    Regarding divorce & religious beliefs: I would guess, as most parents do, they would have wanted you to live a HAPPY life. GOD wants you to live a HAPPY life. Not one lived with an unfaithful wife who doesn't appreciate or respect you. You cannot control the other person in a marriage. There are even contradictory verses in the Bible on whether Mary & Joseph were even married when JESUS was born...

    Have a super week! :)

  5. @Jessie: Thanks for checking in! Times like these it's good to have some good blogging buddies for backup!

    @rockstar: You are right. Mom and Dad would have wanted me to be happy no matter what. Thanks for the encouragement!!

  6. I completely agree with stillarockstar on this one. I am sure your parents would have been completely proud of you, divorce or no divorce. You seem like a very nice person and you should never let the ordeal of this divorce make you feel otherwise..

    I can't really comment on the church thing cuz I am not religious but you should keep doing it if it gives you strength.

  7. What a sweet story Shane! I've thought of how I will carry the memory of my family one day. Although I don't agree with your statement: "There is no doubt in my mind that had both my parents been living that I wouldn't be going through a divorce." There's absolutely no way of knowing this so there's absolutely no way you could be certain of it. In fact, you may have stayed in a very unhappy situation to avoid disappointing your parents... In the end, I agree that they would have wanted you to be happy - both of you... all four of you.

  8. Im sure u hv done dem proud....
    agree with cindy..cuz u never knw...
    So be happy n keep moving for luv cums to those who believe it...
    cheers to Life!!