Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Separation: Day 168

Welp it won't be long now. This time of year is turning out harder than I thought it would be. My wife was putting out all the decorations the other day when I went to take a shower. Every year we were together she bought us an ornament for the tree. I remember them all and looked forward to seeing what she got us each year. Sadly they didn't make the tree this year. When the boys came along she got them each one for every year. We had a pretty big tree and she loved to do all the decorations. She was a Jehovah Witness when she was little and she didn't get to celebrate Christmas for a long time. The first year we were married we had a tree in the dining room and I bought her a bicycle. Those were the days. I loved to buy her lots of things. Things she needed and things she didn't know she needed. :) Just like when I was growing up our stockings were the best thing to get. We always put a prize in them and filled them with our favorite candy. Everything she learned about holiday traditions she learned from my family. We had a tradition in my family that the first person to yell "Christmas Eve Gift" got to open a present on Christmas eve. The running joke Dad always said if you open one you won't have one to open on Christmas morning. I made homemade hot chocolate and she would make monkey bread. After the kids were born we wouldn't get in bed till late in the morning. One year we bought my youngest a train table and we had to set up the table and the train. Santa was one tired mo-frigger the next morning. Then I would write each of the boys a letter and tell them how good a boy they had been and to help their mother more and clean their rooms!!! None of that will happen this year. I don't have the Christmas spirit. My wife robbed me of that when she fell for another man and then blamed me for the failure of our marriage. My oldest told me the other day that he bet that my wife could make me happy for Christmas and I told him I thought it was passed that for us. I hate having those feelings and I really would try again but it would be a long hard road. ANYWAY I am thankful for the boys and glad that they bring me much joy and consternation.


  1. Aw, I'm sorry. And I understand. My first Christmas without the hubby last year was a difficult one...so many memories. Gather with friends & family as much as you can & focus on THEiR UNCONDiTiONAL love in the PRESENT...don't think of the past & don't worry about the future!

    I would also recommend starting a new tradition, so you have something to look forward to...something with the boys, since they will FOREVER be in your life. If I think of any ideas, I'll pass 'em on to you...

    "The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other." ~ Burton Hillis

    "Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
    for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf. The good you do for others is good you do yourself..."
    ~ Norman Wesley Brooks, "Let Every Day Be Christmas," 1976


  2. I agree with stillarockstar - you should definitely start a new tradition this year on Christmas - so that you have something to look forward to next year..

    I don't know if it helps but holidays are the hardest for anyone who's alone, and I know it's easier said than done but you definitely have a lot to be thankful for..

    and this may not make sense but trust me on this one: very soon there will come a day when you'll look back at this time and be so glad for it - because you'd be in a much better and happier place than you've ever been in the past..