Good Heart

It seems my time runs out faster than a hour glass with a vacuum hooked to the other end!!! Things are going pretty good right now. That is everywhere except on the job front. They have told me that it was a matter of time before I get laid off. I have been at my current job for twelve years and I will have to go home shortly. That really puts everything in jeopardy like my house, lively hood, and general overall happiness. I used to really worry about that but now it doesn't bother me so much. The only thing it is probably going to effect where my boys live and that sucks. The boys and I are having some pretty memorable times. My boys have discovered comics. I was thrilled when this happened because they were so into wrestling. I am hoping to bring them over from the dark side. My youngest will sit and look at a comic for hours on end. He can only read the simple short words but I think the thrill is the story he makes up in his mind. My oldest started playing middle school football this year but decided it wasn't for him. He tried to quit two other times before and backed out. He told me he was afraid that it would make me mad or that I would be disappointed in him. I told him that he had to do what made him happy and that I was proud of him no matter what he decided. Over the past year I have discovered that my boys love me more than I ever could have imagined. The thing is that I thought that I was an embarrassment to them because of my size but they don't seem to care or notice. My oldest the other day stayed behind to make sure I could make it up three flights of stairs and even stood at the top and waited on me with an outstretched hand. Later I told him thank you for not just leaving me and he said I would never leave you daddy. Next Sunday will be a year for me and a very special friend. She has been by my side almost all the way through this and I couldn't imagine being where I am today without her. Our friendship has grown so much over the last year she is truly a blessing to me and I am very thankful for her. My boys and I are closer than we've ever been and I have discovered several other long lost friends who keep me thoroughly entertained and happy. My ex-wife...well she is another story. I still love her very much. She is lost. Lost in a world of her own making and for once in my life I feel sorry for her. Here's to life and how we choose to live it!!!

Things My Boys Say

My boys are pretty much in the loop on everything that is going on in the world whether it is music, movies, wrestling (damn it), and somewhat fashion. It kills me to be going down the road and an Eminem song comes on and my youngest will start bobbing his head and waving his hands. It is sooo hilarious!!! But along with that comes a few bad words ever now and again. Mmmmm....not so good. Sweet Daddy not so proud!!

Me: Say my favorite words!!
My youngest: I love you Sweet Daddy!!

My oldest: Hey there is one of the teachers from my school. She teaches Special Ed.
My youngest: Aren't you in her class? (Sorry I had to laugh no offense to anyone with a special needs child)

My boys: What are we having for supper?
Me: Two cold beers and a bologna sandwich!!

While sitting at a Mexican restaurant when a mariachi band starts playing "Sweet Home Alabama".

My oldest: Wth?!?!
Me: What?
My oldest: What's next "Free bird"?

Me: How is your mom feeling?
My oldest: She still pretty much hates you!
Me: I said how is she feeling?!
My oldest: Oh...better. (shit eating grin)

Me: How much do you miss me?
My youngest: I miss you more than my heart beats daddy!!!

They keep me on my toes that is a fact. I love having them around even though they destroy a clean house faster than a swarm of biblical locusts!!

Summer 2010

It seems summer has come and gone. The boys as far as I can tell had a pretty good summer. They didn't go on any long trips but they seen every movie that came out (ones that an 11 and 6 year old could see) and they got to go swimming a lot. They both have adjusted to the divorce pretty well. I think the youngest has adjusted the best. My oldest seems to be having some lingering effects. I guess that could be my fault because he sees the pendulum swing in very opposite directions. See I'm still very much in love with his mother but she has moved on with her life. It's not good for him to see me linger but I have to take care of my own sanity. Soon there will be a new man in her life and he will have to deal with that. I will too but it will be harder on him. I am down over 119 lbs now and continue to lose weight. I have a long way to go but the world in opening up to me quickly. There are numerous things that I can do now that I couldn't or wouldn't dare attempt before. The boys are enjoying my new found freedom and my friends are enjoying the time they are getting to spend with me. It seems while I was married I ignored my friends because my wife pretty much didn't like any of them. While she continued to foster new and increasingly intimate friendships I was dependent upon her as my sole outlet. Now I realize that was a whole level of life that I was missing out on. The boys look up to me and expect me to take them everywhere and especially spoil them. It seems that now the roles have reversed where once mom was the person to take them everywhere and do everything with them now dad is there sole source of entertainment. Summer for them is over. Soon football and soccer games will dominate my weeknights and work will continue to dominate the rest of my time. I have no desire to meet anyone as I have many issues to work out about my ex. I hope everyone had/has an awesome summer.

A Month: WTH!!!

Where has all the time gone? No one can tell me. Things are going pretty good, and they have been for a while now. I am still losing weight (now @ 93 lbs gone), still getting to work overtime, and enjoying my time with the boys. We went and seen Iron Man II this past weekend and it was AWESOME!!!! The trip was as much for me as it was for them. My youngest's ball games are over and my oldest only has about three more games left. There will be little down time because my oldest will start middle school football practice early into summer break. He had a little taste of what it was going to be like a couple of weeks ago. It didn't scare him off so that is a major plus. Like I said things seem to be going better. I have also been able to put a pair of khaki pants on!! SCORE!! That was like my first major goal to wear something besides jogging pants. I mean the mafia garb doesn't look that bad but hey a man has to look good every once and a while!! I hope everyone is doing good and everything is going their way!! Will post longer one later just wanted everyone to know I was alive and well!!

Sweet!

This week has flown by! Work and more work along with sleep and a lit'l house work. Today is apparently laundry day because it looks as if I pulled the last pair of pants out of the chest of drawers. I have to work Saturday and I'm off after that. My oldest has a ball game tonight (Friday) and Saturday. The Ex has another wedding to do so I will have the boys most of the day Saturday. We are going to have a big family dinner Sunday in honor of my lit'l brother being home! Guess I'll have to cook something for that but that is no biggie for Chef Shane!! :-) Thought I would do a thankful list so here goes:

1. Overtime
2. My boys and their ball games.
3. Old friends and new friends
4. Walking my way to good health
5. Nice warm weather
6. Mo Mo is home for a couple of weeks.
7. Fresh sheets
8. Sweet text messages
9. All the atta boys I get!!
10. Laughing

Down 91 lbs this week when I weighed!

Time, Time, Time

I have been getting plenty of time at work as of late and it's keeping my mind occupied. I did keep my boys last week for Spring break and we had a pretty good time. We went and watched Clash of The Titans in 3D and the boys really enjoyed it. I think what they enjoyed more was that their Uncle Mo-Mo was home from Iraq and they got to visit with him for a while. I told the boys that if all things line up in place this summer I will try and take them to see the space shuttle launch on the 29th of July. There are only about 4 left and I would really like for them to see one and I have never seen one in person so that would also be an experience for me. I have been walking a lot lately and getting out and trying to do more. A buddy of mine had a party over the weekend and I went over and cooked for everyone. It's been a while since I cooked for a large crowd and I forgot how much I really liked doing it. The food was good and everything turned out real well. I think I was the only "single" person there but it is something I will have to get used to. It was a fun evening with old friends so I enjoyed myself for a change. The boys games are starting back and they will be playing ball all the way up to school being let out for the summer. The boys both enjoy playing and I love to watch the youngest ones play. There is no ball hit that the whole field does not try and go get it!! On a side note I have lost 81 total lbs. and I am enjoying getting out and doing more. I wish I had done this years ago but it's better late that never. All I have got is TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Easter Sunday

I got off work Saturday morning and drove to Wal-mart to get my shop on for the boys Easter buckets! I don't do baskets for the boys because well they are boys. I got them a butt load of candy, Iron man figures, Diary of A Wimpy Kid book, DVD player, Green Lantern movie, and a Justice League movie. They really flipped when I had it all laid out on the kitchen table that morning. I told them they could only have one piece of candy before breakfast and they didn't mind that at all. We loaded up in the truck to go get a biscuit and they asked if the Easter Bunny was going to go to mom's house too. I said of course. My oldest told me that was the best thing about having divorced parents two of everything. I'm glad he can have a since of humor about all this. The boys spent the night with me for the first time since I moved back into the old home place. I figured I would let the ex have a break and I knew she would be tired from shooting a wedding all day. We all three slept in the same bed and it's a little different sleeping with someone when you haven't slept with anyone in almost a year. My youngest had to sleep with his head on my belly and my oldest had running fits while he slept. WTF??? Since it is just me there I don't have cable or anything. No use having an extra bill if you don't have to. We watched Smallville on DVD and went to sleep around 1am. That way they would sleep late and I would get to sleep late too. I really enjoyed having them around they are fun and aggravating as hell sometimes but they bring life to the house. I even made my ex an Easter Basket!! I know some of you are thinking, "What A Chump"!!!!!!!  Last year on Easter I had to work 12 hours and I came home and she had me a nice Easter bucket and I had her nothing. I felt bad for not having her nothing and told her she made me feel bad. That was not me talking but the tired I am ready to go to damn bed I should have gotten off my lazy ass and made her a basket self. So this year I made up for it. I got her a woven willow basket and put the grass in the bottom and gave her two books (Nora Roberts a fav of hers) a movie (Beaches), and a butt load of chocolate and other candies. A little card said, "I owed you this one", and that was it. No love, no I miss you, no I would walk through HELL with a gasoline g-string for another chance with you. Just Shane. That's all that's left.