Tuesday

The title is true enough. Today is Tuesday. Another eight hour day sitting behind a computer entering data into spread sheets that no one will ever read and then they argue with their validity. Please you give me the numbers I just enter them. I'm just a middleman. I'm just a patsy!! The thing about it is now when the numbers look wrong they just say that I got them from the wrong place. I made some loving from the oven last night that still lingers with me today. I made homemade fajitas. They were incredible. If I do say so myself. Someone had given my sister a  two huge bags of frozen tenders and I cooked them with peppers and onions. Heated up some tortilla shells and shazam instant love!! I also done up some oven roasted potatoes with salt, pepper, butter, parsley, and garlic. They were good enough to make your tongue slap your brains out. I finally get my boys tomorrow night. It has been a week since I seen them for any length of time. I'm about to miss them. They tare the house all to hell and back, eat up all the snacks and fight like a cobra and mongoose but I love them. Ball seasosn has started and soon my weekday nights will be filled at the ballpark. Nothing like a single father being around a bunch of hot single mothers. Wait then out of the corner of my eye I spy my wife making out with her new boy toy and I throw up in my mouth a little bit. Nothing says desperate more than a kid dating someone for their ride. But then again I guess that is what she gets out of the deal too. ;-)  I'm not bitter. Really I'm not.

2010 Year In Review

This year has not been my most successful year. This year has not been my happiest year. You could say this has been the worst year of my life. In January I got divorced. After twelve years my wife left me. You can go back and read the details. I am still working through this daily. The truth is I am still very much in love with her but she has moved on..and on...and on. I lost my job in October along with the job went the insurance. Which is a big ouch. The biggest part of the year I had gout in one or both ankles. For anyone who has never had gout. It sucks. It sucks big time! Plus it hurts like a mother huncher. My wife has started dating formally. Even though I only hear about it from my sons (no prying from me) it kills me. It absolutely kills me. The biggest problem with that is that I'm not over her. I will have to work on this also. BUT....this year has not all been doom and gloom. There are some very positive things that came out of this year. I have lost nearly 200 lbs. Let me say that again... 200 lbs. That's like three supermodels. I feel the best I have felt in a long time. I get out and do more than I have in years. I watch movies at the theater now. I go to my kid's school programs. I take my boys out to eat. I take my boys to visit my friends and they love my friends!!! Plus I have friends. I never honestly knew that I had so many friends that loved and cared for me so much.  I have met and maintain ties with friends that I have met on this blog. They are awesome. You know you are. I have started going to church again. I am a born again Christan. I don't preach to others. You know the shape and destination of your soul. You don't need my two cents worth. I started praying for peace and comfort I have received peace and comfort from time to time and I am thankful. Even though I do get down and out I am strong enough to pull myself back out of the muck. I have the strength to overcome anything as long as I put my heart and soul into it. Don't get me wrong I am not experiencing a bout of prison religion. I have always felt that I could live a better life. Now I am. My boys love their dad very much. I love every minute I spend with them. They are awesome to be around and I look forward to seeing them as much as I can. They love their SWEET DADDY and I love my bird turds!! 2011 may not get any better, it may be the best year of my life. Only time will tell. No longer will I look at tomorrow with my head down in a defeated manner. When I meet the future it will be eye to eye.

Good Heart

It seems my time runs out faster than a hour glass with a vacuum hooked to the other end!!! Things are going pretty good right now. That is everywhere except on the job front. They have told me that it was a matter of time before I get laid off. I have been at my current job for twelve years and I will have to go home shortly. That really puts everything in jeopardy like my house, lively hood, and general overall happiness. I used to really worry about that but now it doesn't bother me so much. The only thing it is probably going to effect where my boys live and that sucks. The boys and I are having some pretty memorable times. My boys have discovered comics. I was thrilled when this happened because they were so into wrestling. I am hoping to bring them over from the dark side. My youngest will sit and look at a comic for hours on end. He can only read the simple short words but I think the thrill is the story he makes up in his mind. My oldest started playing middle school football this year but decided it wasn't for him. He tried to quit two other times before and backed out. He told me he was afraid that it would make me mad or that I would be disappointed in him. I told him that he had to do what made him happy and that I was proud of him no matter what he decided. Over the past year I have discovered that my boys love me more than I ever could have imagined. The thing is that I thought that I was an embarrassment to them because of my size but they don't seem to care or notice. My oldest the other day stayed behind to make sure I could make it up three flights of stairs and even stood at the top and waited on me with an outstretched hand. Later I told him thank you for not just leaving me and he said I would never leave you daddy. Next Sunday will be a year for me and a very special friend. She has been by my side almost all the way through this and I couldn't imagine being where I am today without her. Our friendship has grown so much over the last year she is truly a blessing to me and I am very thankful for her. My boys and I are closer than we've ever been and I have discovered several other long lost friends who keep me thoroughly entertained and happy. My ex-wife...well she is another story. I still love her very much. She is lost. Lost in a world of her own making and for once in my life I feel sorry for her. Here's to life and how we choose to live it!!!

Things My Boys Say

My boys are pretty much in the loop on everything that is going on in the world whether it is music, movies, wrestling (damn it), and somewhat fashion. It kills me to be going down the road and an Eminem song comes on and my youngest will start bobbing his head and waving his hands. It is sooo hilarious!!! But along with that comes a few bad words ever now and again. Mmmmm....not so good. Sweet Daddy not so proud!!

Me: Say my favorite words!!
My youngest: I love you Sweet Daddy!!

My oldest: Hey there is one of the teachers from my school. She teaches Special Ed.
My youngest: Aren't you in her class? (Sorry I had to laugh no offense to anyone with a special needs child)

My boys: What are we having for supper?
Me: Two cold beers and a bologna sandwich!!

While sitting at a Mexican restaurant when a mariachi band starts playing "Sweet Home Alabama".

My oldest: Wth?!?!
Me: What?
My oldest: What's next "Free bird"?

Me: How is your mom feeling?
My oldest: She still pretty much hates you!
Me: I said how is she feeling?!
My oldest: Oh...better. (shit eating grin)

Me: How much do you miss me?
My youngest: I miss you more than my heart beats daddy!!!

They keep me on my toes that is a fact. I love having them around even though they destroy a clean house faster than a swarm of biblical locusts!!

Summer 2010

It seems summer has come and gone. The boys as far as I can tell had a pretty good summer. They didn't go on any long trips but they seen every movie that came out (ones that an 11 and 6 year old could see) and they got to go swimming a lot. They both have adjusted to the divorce pretty well. I think the youngest has adjusted the best. My oldest seems to be having some lingering effects. I guess that could be my fault because he sees the pendulum swing in very opposite directions. See I'm still very much in love with his mother but she has moved on with her life. It's not good for him to see me linger but I have to take care of my own sanity. Soon there will be a new man in her life and he will have to deal with that. I will too but it will be harder on him. I am down over 119 lbs now and continue to lose weight. I have a long way to go but the world in opening up to me quickly. There are numerous things that I can do now that I couldn't or wouldn't dare attempt before. The boys are enjoying my new found freedom and my friends are enjoying the time they are getting to spend with me. It seems while I was married I ignored my friends because my wife pretty much didn't like any of them. While she continued to foster new and increasingly intimate friendships I was dependent upon her as my sole outlet. Now I realize that was a whole level of life that I was missing out on. The boys look up to me and expect me to take them everywhere and especially spoil them. It seems that now the roles have reversed where once mom was the person to take them everywhere and do everything with them now dad is there sole source of entertainment. Summer for them is over. Soon football and soccer games will dominate my weeknights and work will continue to dominate the rest of my time. I have no desire to meet anyone as I have many issues to work out about my ex. I hope everyone had/has an awesome summer.

A Month: WTH!!!

Where has all the time gone? No one can tell me. Things are going pretty good, and they have been for a while now. I am still losing weight (now @ 93 lbs gone), still getting to work overtime, and enjoying my time with the boys. We went and seen Iron Man II this past weekend and it was AWESOME!!!! The trip was as much for me as it was for them. My youngest's ball games are over and my oldest only has about three more games left. There will be little down time because my oldest will start middle school football practice early into summer break. He had a little taste of what it was going to be like a couple of weeks ago. It didn't scare him off so that is a major plus. Like I said things seem to be going better. I have also been able to put a pair of khaki pants on!! SCORE!! That was like my first major goal to wear something besides jogging pants. I mean the mafia garb doesn't look that bad but hey a man has to look good every once and a while!! I hope everyone is doing good and everything is going their way!! Will post longer one later just wanted everyone to know I was alive and well!!

Sweet!

This week has flown by! Work and more work along with sleep and a lit'l house work. Today is apparently laundry day because it looks as if I pulled the last pair of pants out of the chest of drawers. I have to work Saturday and I'm off after that. My oldest has a ball game tonight (Friday) and Saturday. The Ex has another wedding to do so I will have the boys most of the day Saturday. We are going to have a big family dinner Sunday in honor of my lit'l brother being home! Guess I'll have to cook something for that but that is no biggie for Chef Shane!! :-) Thought I would do a thankful list so here goes:

1. Overtime
2. My boys and their ball games.
3. Old friends and new friends
4. Walking my way to good health
5. Nice warm weather
6. Mo Mo is home for a couple of weeks.
7. Fresh sheets
8. Sweet text messages
9. All the atta boys I get!!
10. Laughing

Down 91 lbs this week when I weighed!