New Beginning: Day 71

Play Ball!!!!!!!!!! Baseball season has started and things have started popping around the house. I try and pick up my boys from school on the days they have practice and have them at the ball field with a snack and time to relax before starting. Since I have lost some weight I can get around ALOT better and I have even went with my youngest to the playground and pushed him on the swing for a while. Twice now!! Sad to say but a year ago that would have never happened. I was ashamed to go out in public. After practice the other day this one kid kept poking his dad and telling him look dad he is SOOOOOO FAT!! That's really no biggie you can't be as big as I am for as long as I have been without hearing everything under the sun. There is one kid at my son's school that comes and talks to me every time I come in. He is autistic and they say that I am the only parent that he ever talks to. He will stand beside me and talk to me and make funny faces. I think it is cute and I am flattered that he would show me so much attention. The other day when we left he was calling me GIANT!! Which he doesn't know any better and I like that name. My son said you don't get mad? I told him that at least he says it with a smile son, and he doesn't mean anything by it. A year ago things like that would paralyze me with fear and I wouldn't get out of the truck. In all honesty it wasn't to save me embarrassment but my wife and kids. But I found out that my boys could give to flips what dad looks like as long as he is around. As for my wife I will never know how what I'm doing now could have saved my marriage. I try no to focus on it much but I still go back to that day when the therapist asked my wife if she would give me six months to lose the weight and get to a better place and she it may take a year. My wife told her that, "I know I won't wait a year". Those words still replay in my head everyday. Every time I reach for something or start to stop for that biscuit it replays in my head. The boys and I got out in the yard last weekend and raked up a bunch of leaves to let the grass "breath" so it can grow along with the other plants and vines in the yard. Again that is something that would have never happened a year ago. So for now I am happy. Happy comes and goes but at least my good days out number my bad days now. Hope everyone is well!!!!

New Beginning: Day 58

I have started something on my fridge at home to keep me motivated at the urging of a friend. I have "Why I Do It" written with those old timey magnetic alphabet letters. Along with that I have pictures of the boys up, a phrase I use all the time, and poems that keep me inspired. When I get it done I will take a picture of it and post it. I weighed in Monday and I am glad to announce that I have lost 51 pounds from the last I weighed and 71 from my heaviest. Woo Hoo. I can't keep my joggers up now. Every time I get up to go some where I have to have one hand holding on to my pants so no one sees the moon in the daytime. I thought I would start my Thankful List again so here is my thankful list for this Friday:


 1. Pepto Bismol (eat one wrong thing and you need it)
 2. Buy one get one half off Oil of Olay bodywash.
 3. Huey Lewis and The News
 4. Hulu
 5. Losing weight and being more active.
 6. Taking the boys to Chuck E Cheese.
 7. Friends and Family
 8. OT
 9. My boys
10. Fintune

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!!!!!

New Beginning: Day 49

There are several firsts after a divorce or separation. The first birthday, anniversary, holiday, and the first time you see your ex with someone else. I thought this day would be on further down the road but it happened and I didn't explode but it was a lot for me to process. To my ex's credit she did call and tell me that she was bringing someone to my son's practise so I wouldn't be shocked. After practise the guy came up to my truck and introduced himself and told me that he was her friend and that was it. Yeah well I've heard that before about the other feller. I told him that he didn't owe me any explanation and he said he didn't want there to be any animosity,  I'm sorry but that ship has already sailed along time ago. My ex told me they were going from the ball field to her mom's who had cooked for them. Funny she never cooked for me in the twelve years I was married to her daughter. I thought the last little bit was TMI but I think it is part of her shock and awe campaign. My oldest asked me the other day how come I wasn't dating and I told him it wouldn't be fair to the other person because I was still in love with his mom. Baseball season is upon us and Spring is near so I hope that I can keep my mind off things and not dwell on the negative. There is about a thousand things I want to do around the house and the yard needs attention bad. Plus I have yet to visit the building in the back yard so that will be an adventure unto itself. The diet is going good and I am waiting on warm weather to add walking to my daily routine. I am planning on walking in the morning with a co-worker and then in the evening with an old high school friend. I am hoping to get "high school skinny" by the end of summer. ☺ It is going to take a lot of will power and effort but I believe I can do it.

New Begining: Day 36

Welp time is flying by now and I have been divorced for more than a month and the world is still rotating and I am still alive. I didn't die from heartache like I thought I would...came close a couple of times but no cigar. The boys and I have spent the last three days together because they were out of school for two days and then the Ex had court a couple of nights. They behaved pretty good and ate everything that wasn't tied down. I mean I bought a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls and they were gone in one day. Really a half a day. At least they were good and sugared up for their Mom. I also got a root canal on Tuesday and that sucked ass big time. I hate a toothache more than any other kind of pain. The whole left side of my face was throbbing like a mother huncher!!!! I called early that day and they worked me in. The first thing this girl done a x-ray and the dentist stop by and said mmmm....yep there it is and gave me a shot. An hour later he came by and started drilling and I was like WTF!!! He said mmmm...that's not numb yet? YA THINK!! Nah I'm just doing the chair dance for the hell of it!!! After about 12 (no lie) more shots it was finally numb enough to drill and fix. I hate going to the dentist but my tooth didn't hurt. UNTIL the novacaine wore off. Then I took two oxycodone to help. Well that was just a little more than I was used to taking and I got pretty hammered. That would have been alright but I was at work. So rapid boys on a Swiss Roll binge and a root canal. Could be worse.

New Begining: Day 29

I was talking to a friend the other night while we were eating and the bill came and I got it. She said no I told you that I was going to get it this time you don't have that much money remember. I told her, "I've had money ever since I knew what money was" darling. She said I've never heard that before. I went on to tell her it was one of the many sayings my dad had. My dad passed away 5/1/2000 and left a huge whole in my family. None of us knew how to deal with his death, especially mom. It wasn't long after dad's death that mom and I got into it and didn't speak for a long time. I loved my dad very much and although I don't think he was ever proud of me I know he loved me. Everyone, including me, called my dad Hog. I could call him daddy all day long and he wouldn't answer. If I ever called him Hog he would look at me and say what you want boy? He was also a deacon of the church and that made for some interesting teen years conversations for me. He was a good man and he was a fair man. I got my work ethic from him and I always thought that I would be married till death do us part like he and mom was. Dad had a lot of sayings and I thought I would share a few of them with y'all!


Dad: Boy you know the only place you'll see one of these? (while making a muscle)
Son: No
Dad: On a box of Arm n Hammer Baking Soda

Son: I'm feeling froggy today old man.
Dad: Well jump up on this and crow for a while boy! (while making the Arm n Hammer muscle)

Son: How does that look daddy?  (while building something)
Dad: Looks good nail'er!

Son: Daddy you got any money?
Dad: Boy I've had money ever since I knew what money was!
or
Dad: Boy I've had money ever since I was nine years old.

Dad: You going to church this weekend?
Son: Nope got to have that money! The Bible says you can work on Sunday as long as your ox is in the ditch.
Dad: Ain't no sign you go out there every Saturday night and throw it in there either.

Dad: I can't get a long with that person for nothing.
Son: The Bible says you have to love everybody daddy.
Dad: True son but it doesn't say anything about liking them.

Son: I'm going to do it. I'm just going to do it.
Dad: Whatever son, make it light on yourself.

Dad: It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.

Thus ends my sampling of "Hogisms". Just little nuggets of what I grew up with.

New Begining: Day 20

The birthday was terrific!! My boys and I went out to eat with my sister at Big John's Dawg House and we had a good time. The boys bought me a cool card and they both signed it. My oldest apologized because they didn't have me a gift but he said his mom told him they didn't have any money. I told him that spending time with him was gift enough for me!! My sister got me a Stephen King book, candle, large lighter, pen set, and a swiffer duster!! The candle and lighter was more for me and my friend because she likes the house to smell good and I didn't have a lighter because I don't smoke. When the ex dropped off the boys she dropped off a box of junk she had taken by mistake. In the box was a little box of letters that I had written to girls in high school. Read a few and it brought back a lot of memories. After the she picked the boys up I went and picked up JD who was taking me out to eat for my birthday supper. As an aside my ex never told me happy birthday. No biggie but my oldest caught on to it. She doesn't win many points with him lately. Back on point, my friend and I sit and talked in the truck about her problems for about an hour before going it to wait an hour to eat. Note to self always check in first then do your talking. We had a good meal at Outback and she kept threatening to get them to sing to me. I told her go ahead pay back is hell and her birthday is only like a week away!! After supper we went back to my house for a while and had a piece of the birthday cake she got me and watched Beverly Hill Chihuahua. Since she is such a dog lover she loved the movie. Of course as usual I gave her a foot rub while we watched the movie. I don't know why I do it because about fifteen minutes into the massage she is out like a light but I really like to see her nodding off that means I'm doing a good job. The night got cut short because I had to go into work but I had a very good day and didn't miss my ex that much. She always done birthdays up big. This year it wasn't that bad. Thanks to good friends, and family!!

New Begining: Day 16

Got to looking at my titles and thought that separation no longer fit the bill. I was hoping that I would never see  10 then 20 then 50 and I thought for certain that I would be back home in my warm bed lying next to a beautiful, loving wife by day 100. It didn't work out that way so here I am. Still a little bitter, still break down and cry some days...well most days...but I am getting by. I try to do my best as I always have. An update on the diet front is things are going good. I am sticking to my plan. It is hard as hell especially when you have co-workers bring in pizza, cookies, and cakes to tempt you with. I am on the Medifast plan. It is basically about 1000 calorie diet and you have one "home cooked" meal a day. The rest of the meals are pre portioned oatmeal, soups, shakes, and bars. Every morning I have to fight the small voice inside me begging me to stop and get a gravy biscuit with a side of bacon. Damn just typing that makes my mouth water. The first goal I have is not a set amount of weight. It is to wear pants again. Before all the weight gain I wore khaki pants everyday. I just like khaki. For going on two years now I have had to wear jogging pants. I know so cliche. My first goal is to put on a pair of khaki pants with some nice shoes and go out somewhere I  haven't felt comfortable going in joggers. You can't go to church in jogging pants, it's just not respectful, and I'm not just trying to get out of church. So when the khaki's come on then I have made it to my first goal. Thought since it was Friday I would post ten things that have made me happy thus far:

1. Blogging Awards- Go Shane! It's your birthday.
2. Coincidentally it is my birthday tomorrow!!
3. Spending time with my boys aka the Turd Birds.
4. Spending time with friends.
5. Still getting overtime.
6. Diet is going good with no major slips.
7. Nice quiet house with warm blankets.
8. Little more pep in my step.
9. Green Olives
10. My Lady Gaga cd. (guilty pleasure)